Savato, Avgusto 16, 2008

Jonah and I have been talking on the phone quite a bit since we both returned to our respective homes after camping, and it has been wonderful although I cannot say that I am head over heels for the young man or anything like that. But we do have some excellent conversations. Just last night he and I were chatting inbetween clients about the implications inherent to the role of initiator and mentor which John the Baptist played in the life of Jesus of Nazareth and what it means theosophically for a divine incarnation to be mastered in these ways by someone who is otherwise human and nothing else. He is nothing if not stimulating, and the fact that he is one of very few people who can actually make my legs shake for a good half hour after fucking raises my esteem for him as well. But he still does not know that I work as an escort or hooker or whatever one might call it at this point. Which is why the conversation that was had by text is troublesome:

Him: I wouldn't want you to think I wasn't thinking about you today.
Me: Good. I want you thinking about me.
Him: Well my lady, if you're not just playing me... I can come out there August 25th until September 1st plus or minus a day or two. After that I am stuck until December.
Me: I would love to see you! Lemme check in with my mother and I will let you know tomorrow?
Him: Yes, great, let me know. I mean this respectfully - I don't need your mom's permission. I can sleep anywhere.
Me: Yah, but I want you sleeping next to me.
Him: Yeah, me too.

Damn it all. I really would love for him to visit me but I am not so sure how successful I would be at covering up my work from him if he came out here. I do work normal job hours so it would not be a difficult lie to tell but do I really want to lie to him. It looks like I am going to have to tell him the truth now before we get even more wrapped up in one another and it just becomes more difficult. I mean, he has even spoken with his pastor about me. How touching (and maybe a bit jump-the-gunnie) is that! Which means this has so much potential to just go in a direction in which I would rather not see it go, since I would so much love to have Jonah on my side and in my bed all the time. Then again he does know that I have done this kind of work in the past and he is okay with that so maybe he will be okay with me doing it in the present. And maybe I will own significant real estate by the time I am in my early thirties. It could happen but the odds say it probably will not. Also, yes, it is true that I am living with family while staying in this town. I am not pleased with the situation, and it has been making my personal life one big frustration, but I have been saving hand over fist on rent, which is what I need to be doing right now until I can afford my own place on top of the month to month payments I am making on my debt so I can get the hell out. So no jokes!